How to take care of your wife:

In the world, one single rule applies to the men: Make the Woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

Simple Duties
You make the bed +1
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
You go out to buy her what she wants +5
In the rain +8
But return with Beer -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night 0
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something +5
You pummel it with iron rod +10
It's her pet -10

Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy -2
Named Tina -4
Tina is a dancer -10

Her Birthday
You take her out to dinner 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar +1
Okay, it's a sports bar -2
And it's all-you-can-eat night -3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team -10

A Night Out
You take her to a movie +2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It's called 'DeathCop' -3
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15

Your Physique
You develop a noticeable potbelly -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." -8,000

Enjoy The 'Big' Question
She asks, "Do I look fat?" -5 [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding -10
You reply, "Where?" -35
Any other response -20

Communication
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes +50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +500
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep -10,000

I hope I will be a better husband than the stereotypes portrayed here... my first credential is that I hate beer, and my second is that I hate football

Other than that, hilarious!

-34

Hmmm... I must be doing something right because I only get 'the look' about once a day.

I'm not doing so bad so far, it's only been a month though!

Know any good divorce lawyers?

get out....go home and never come back...your membership has been revoked

Curse it! It's impossible to hide from dsenette!

Somebody forgot to tell my wife she needs to follow the point system as well...

Hmmm my points never go above 0 and most of the time I'm in the dog house.
And I do all the dishes, laundry and most of the cleaning of the house.

Oh I would love to have a dog, that way at least I'd have some company in the dog house when I'm out there too.

Cool