Jump to content

Welcome to Geeks to Go - Register now for FREE

Geeks To Go is a helpful hub, where thousands of volunteer geeks quickly serve friendly answers and support. Check out the forums and get free advice from the experts. Register now to gain access to all of our features, it's FREE and only takes one minute. Once registered and logged in, you will be able to create topics, post replies to existing threads, give reputation to your fellow members, get your own private messenger, post status updates, manage your profile and so much more.

Create Account How it Works
Photo

virus alert


  • Please log in to reply

#1
Angelia

Angelia

    Member

  • Member
  • PipPipPip
  • 556 posts
People - please note! The following new computer viruses have been detected. Please be alert for them when you scan your computers - - which you _ARE_ doing, I trust.
BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attachs it. (But that part will never work again.)
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counsellor about possible alternatives.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole [bleep] thing quits.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Their is sumthing rong wit your komputer, ewe jsut cant figyour out watt!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error.)
TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS: Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS: Your data wont appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs....No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.
LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self defense".
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS - Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, it's programmer will take it back. Use your virus scan, don't let any of these viruses happen to your PC!

Edited for readability
  • 0

Advertisements


#2
Retired Tech

Retired Tech

    Retired Staff

  • Retired Staff
  • 20,563 posts
That's funny :whistling:
  • 0

#3
emery

emery

    Member

  • Member
  • PipPipPip
  • 583 posts
hahahhahaaah.

I wonder what the ''DODGE VIRUS'' would do. Grab your computer by the horns?


Funny topic.
  • 0

#4
daniel_c

daniel_c

    Member

  • Member
  • PipPipPip
  • 360 posts
what silly names for viruses. but there funny though
  • 0

#5
ViperKillerWannabe

ViperKillerWannabe

    Member

  • Member
  • PipPip
  • 86 posts
Wow, this is older than the internet. No seriously. When was the last time you even SAW a 200mb hard drive?
  • 0

#6
Michelle

Michelle

    Malware Removal Goddess

  • Retired Staff
  • 8,928 posts
*cough*typo?*cough*

I dunno that's my guess :whistling:
  • 0

#7
Fenor

Fenor

    Trusted Tech

  • Retired Staff
  • 5,236 posts

*cough*typo?*cough*

I dunno that's my guess :whistling:

I would agree it's a typo except for the CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS talking about your 486 running like a 286. :blink:

Fenor

Edited by Fenor, 28 May 2006 - 09:16 AM.

  • 0

#8
Michelle

Michelle

    Malware Removal Goddess

  • Retired Staff
  • 8,928 posts
Yes, well.. I don't have anything snappy to come back with here so I'll step out slowly :whistling: :blink: :help:

*Michelle tapes Fenor's fingers to the keyboard so that nothing of sense can be typed. :)
  • 0

#9
daniel_c

daniel_c

    Member

  • Member
  • PipPipPip
  • 360 posts
in the other forums use are geeks, but in offtopic gosh use are a bunch of comediens. :whistling:
  • 0

#10
Michelle

Michelle

    Malware Removal Goddess

  • Retired Staff
  • 8,928 posts
Sooo what's your point? We're funny? Yeah, we already know that :whistling:
  • 0

#11
rstones12

rstones12

    Malware Expert

  • Retired Staff
  • 3,731 posts
Did you hear the one about the........... :whistling:
  • 0

#12
Listerofsmeg

Listerofsmeg

    Member

  • Member
  • PipPipPip
  • 121 posts
*cough*cough* Thats really *cough*funny*cough*
  • 0

#13
h_mike

h_mike

    Member

  • Member
  • PipPipPip
  • 344 posts
Yea pretty dang hilarious :whistling: I wonder what the Michael Jackson virus would be, LOL?!?
  • 0






Similar Topics

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

As Featured On:

Microsoft Yahoo BBC MSN PC Magazine Washington Post HP