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Did you hear about the pygmy?
Posted 08 August 2006 - 12:26 PM
A:..During apr...ril shower's...
Edited by cheyenne 09, 08 August 2006 - 12:27 PM.
Posted 08 August 2006 - 12:27 PM
when my belay let's go of the rope
Q:..when do monkeysfall from the sky ?
Posted 08 August 2006 - 12:36 PM
A:.. nothing he was DEAD
just for you dsenette..
Posted 10 August 2006 - 05:18 PM
A: first course some German soup... plex's
A: second course some lamb chops
A: five star frog splash
Q: what do wrestler's do stop them selfs from choking:?
A: The chokeslam
Q: what do wrestler's do to carve a turkey:?
Q: what do wrestler's relax in:?
A: steiner recliner
Q: what kind of movies do the duddly brothers like:?
Q: what does triple H's dog eat:?
Q: what do wrestler's say before they eat:?
A: saving grace
Q: what music does shawn michaels relax to:?
A: sweet chin
Q: in a limbo contest how low does the rock go:?
A: rock bottom
Q: what do you get when you reach the end of a book:?
A: book end
YOU NEED YOU TO WATCH WRESTLING TO UNDERSTAND SOME OF THESE JOKE'S
Posted 11 August 2006 - 12:49 AM
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys."
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin,
the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime.
She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo.
I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word,
right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed,
"but deliver us from E-mail.
One particular four-year-old prayed,
"And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied,
"Because people are sleeping."
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old
brother, Joel, were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door?
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons,Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"
A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
Posted 11 August 2006 - 05:00 PM
A: Och!... It's no that dark!
Posted 16 August 2006 - 10:06 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
Posted 18 August 2006 - 12:49 AM
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Philip's Screwdriver?
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you that a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
Posted 18 August 2006 - 04:10 AM
A: she moved.
Q: When she saw the sign for YMCA she said:?
A: LOOK, they've spelled MACY's wrong!!!"
Q: why did the blonde stand staring at the frozen orange juice:?
A: She stood staring because it said...."Concentrate".....
Q: why did the blonde put lippie on her forehead:?
A: cos her boyfriend told her to make up her mind!.
Q: if you offered a blonde a Penny for her thoughts:?
A: you'd get change.
Q: why did the blonde stave to death
A: because She got locked in a grocery store .
Edited by cheyenne 09, 18 August 2006 - 04:27 AM.
Posted 20 August 2006 - 10:54 AM
A: From the back of the hall a Scottish voice shouted,.. "I'll give £150!"...
Posted 20 August 2006 - 01:44 PM
.." Ah ! " he said, " I suppose that's Gaelic for Welcome."
.." No, sir, " replied the hotel owner. " That's the bath mat upside down."
Posted 25 August 2006 - 03:13 AM
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young programmer,
"And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The programmer said, "In the neighborhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package."
The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays,
full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary,
and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The programmer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"
And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it."...
Posted 30 August 2006 - 02:55 AM
Q: Two computer programmers are driving on a Highway.
They switch on the radio and there is a warning: Please note that a car is driving on highway 75 against the traffic.
The programmer near the driver looks at him and says: One?
A: There are hundreds of them....
A CD Player
Q: While shopping for my first CD player, I was able to decipher most of the technicalese on the promotional signs.
One designation had me puzzled, though, so I called over a salesperson and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"
A: "That means", he said, "that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal - that is, into music." "In other words this CD player plays CDs." "Exactly."
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