A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
This is Why we should feel sorry for Tech support people
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
Tech Support: "OK John, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: "I don't have a 'P'." Tech Support: "On your keyboard, John." Customer: "What do you mean?" Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, John." Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety." Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start something like this: Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to "The Internet."
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?" Tech Support: "Yeah." Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?" Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon." Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows -- because of the icons -- I'm a Starlette, and I don't believe in icons." Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to --" Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons." Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?" Customer: [click]
Customer: "My computer crashed!" Tech Support: "It crashed?" Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game." Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot." Customer: "No, it didn't crash -- it crashed." Tech Support: "Huh?" Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work." Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'" Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?" Helicopter Landing
A helicopter was flying above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign and held it up in the helicopter window. The pilot's sign said, "Where am I?" in large letters.
The people in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it to the window of their building. Their sign read, "You are in a helicopter."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at the map, determined the course to steer to the SEATAC airport and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how the "You are in a helicopter" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer!"
Anything You Want my Son
Some years ago, the Sultan of Brunei was becoming angry as he had 6 children, all girls, and therefore had no son and heir. Imagine his joy when one of his wives finally presented him with his only son and heir.
Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to have my own airplane."
Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him American Airlines.
Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat."
Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him The Princess Cruise Lines.
Just before his son's eighth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to watch cartoons."
Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him Disney Studios and their theaters, where he watched all his favorite cartoons.
Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you are an inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you."
His son, who had really gotten into the Disney cartoons, replied, "Daddy, I would like a Mickey Mouse outfit."
Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father went and bought him Microsoft. Wordperfect
Customer Support Employee (CSE): May I help you?
Customer: Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.
CSE: What sort of trouble?
Customer: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.
CSE: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?
CSE: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?
Customer: How do I tell?
CSE: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?
Customer: What's a sea-prompt?
CSE: Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
Customer: There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.
CSE: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
Customer: What's a monitor?
CSE: It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?
Customer: I don't know.
CSE: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Customer: Yes, I think so.
CSE: Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Customer: I can't. It's dark out here.
Customer: There's a power outage.
CSE: A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in with?
Customer: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.
CSE: Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Customer: Really? Is it that bad?
CSE: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
Customer: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
CSE: Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.