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Joke of the Day


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#421
frantique

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With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby boy recently.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one asked.

"Not yet," said the new mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for awhile first." Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, the visitors asked again, "May we see the baby now? " "No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked .... " Well, when CAN we see the baby?"

"When he cries!" she told them.

"When he cries?!" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until he cries?"

"Because ....I forgot where I put him..."
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#422
Kelvin

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Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Thanks for the warm welcome zorba. xD

~Kelvin
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#423
Kelvin

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Also, before I conclude:

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

~Kelvin
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#424
frantique

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:) :)
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#425
zorba the geek

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A man and his wife entered the dentist's office.

"I want a toothpulled, "the man said. "We are in a big hurry, so let us not fool around with gas or Novocain or any of that stuff."

"You are a very brave man," remarked the dentist. "Which tooth is it?"

"Show him your bad tooth, honey," said the man to his wife.



A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn't decide who he should grant full custody to. So he asks the little boy, "Would you like to live with your mother?"

"No." said the boy.

"Why not?" said the judge.

"Because she beats me."

The judge says "Okay, then you'll go live with your father."

"Oh No," cried the boy, "He beats me too."

Dumbfounded, the judge asks "Okay who do you want to live with?"

"I want to live with the Boston Red Sox."

"Why?" asks the judge.

"They don't beat anybody."



Thanks to frantique and Kelvin!It's nice to come from work,go to Geeks to go and have a good laugh :) :)
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#426
keithr128

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Edit: Sorry Keith, it's over the line.

I thought it was iffy.
No problem Fran. :)

Edited by keithr128, 23 November 2007 - 02:59 PM.

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#427
Chopin

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I'm not sure that's very G-rated, but that's great! :)
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#428
zorba the geek

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How to Identify Where a Driver is From


1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago.

2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York.

3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey.

4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.

5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Los Angeles.

6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.

7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy.

8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game: Seattle.

9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's bag out the window: Texas.

10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia.

11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on: Florida.
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#429
keithr128

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Posted Image
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#430
frantique

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The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,
interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!

The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.

"This gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
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#431
Adrenalin

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Good grief I rocked up at work on this fine Sunday and read through some of these,

You know you're addicted to the Internet when...

• Your bookmarks takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

• You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.

• All of your friends have an @ in their names.

• You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Google.

• You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

• Your phone bill is delivered in a box.

• You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

• The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.

• You forget what year it is.

• You don't know what a relationship is with a real person.

Last but not least.......you think the converstations you have are real.

~Kelvin


LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!! Scary thing is Ido some of these! ;)

:) :) :) :)
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#432
zorba the geek

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:)


Howzit Adrenalin! What's happening with my old country? And how much is the Biltong going these days? :)

A guy is driving down a deserted highway.

He pulls up to an intersection, and rolls through the stop sign.

From out of nowhere, a cop car pulls him over.

COP: Do you know why I pulled you over?

GUY: Hey, I slowed down, didn't I???

COP: You must come to a full stop at the sign.

GUY: Stop. Slow down. What's the difference?

The cop pulls out his baton and starts to pound the man without mercy.

COP: Well? Do you want me to STOP or SLOW DOWN?

Edited by zorba the geek, 25 November 2007 - 07:19 AM.

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#433
Kelvin

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That.. is just ROFL! I want those slightly used toilet rolls!!!!

~Kelvin
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#434
Adrenalin

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Howzit zorba the geek,

You really want to know what is going on in this country? I could write a book :) but in a short version, we're heading towards Zimbabwe no2. No jokes...

On the other hand, biltong is still quite pricy, bout 100-120 bucks a kg, last time i bought was ages ago, but you can't beat the taste of biltong and a ice cold beer.
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#435
zorba the geek

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*zorba misses boerewors,papp and an icecold no17 :)


Btw:when i left,biltong was at R6.99\kg :) Sometimes i think greece is getting just as bad!!!!
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