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Joke of the Day


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#436
Adrenalin

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My pricing might be wrong then :)

I will look around and let you know, have to buy some coz now you made me feel like some! Argh!
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#437
zorba the geek

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My pricing might be wrong then :)

I will look around and let you know, have to buy some coz now you made me feel like some! Argh!



Adrenalin,i left 1993,i'm sure your pricing is spot-on!!! :)
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#438
Adrenalin

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You lucky devil!!

Zuma is winning the ANC race at the moment... lol. I'm coming to Greece!!! Or anywhere except here :-/
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#439
frantique

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Hey guys, remember this thread is "Joke of the day" .... perhaps you could use the "Two Million Post" thread for your conversation :)

A drunken cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh
Amarillo Theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he
whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more
impatient: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to
call the manager."

Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back
up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together
the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no
success.

Finally they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the
situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?"

"Sam" the cowboy moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?" asked the Ranger.

With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Sam
replied,"...the balcony..."

Edited by frantique, 25 November 2007 - 04:22 PM.

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#440
zorba the geek

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Soooorryyyyy fran,you're right!Just got carried away,have'nt spocken to a south african for a long time!
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#441
Adrenalin

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Yeah, sorry :)
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#442
keithr128

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How to know whether you are ready to have children


Mess Test:

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test:

Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you maysubstitute roofing tacks) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

Grocery Store Test
:

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Dressing Test:

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag, making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test:

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test:

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 - 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM, begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10: 00PM.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test (Women):

Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.

Physical Test (Men):

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Final Assignment:

Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers. ”
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#443
frantique

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:) :) Great find Keith
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#444
Troy

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Why didn't you tell me this earlier?

:)
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#445
zorba the geek

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Why didn't you tell me this earlier?

:)

:) Did you ASK




A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."

The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"

The player thought for a moment and then answered, "4?"

"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it right.

Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming..., "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

Edited by zorba the geek, 01 December 2007 - 02:28 PM.

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#446
Kelvin

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Don't really get the meaning of your joke zorba. Bah. Today's such a bad day for me. Can't even get enlightened. Something wrong with me.... =X..

~Kelvin
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#447
zorba the geek

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Don't really get the meaning of your joke zorba. Bah. Today's such a bad day for me. Can't even get enlightened. Something wrong with me.... =X..

~Kelvin




Get some sleep or you might become a sleep deprieved zombie like fredil yupigo or landlord :)
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#448
zorba the geek

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This one will make our ladies very happy




Seems God was just about done creating the universe, had a couple of left-over things left in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to visit Adam and Eve in the Garden. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up and pee. "It's a very handy thing," God told the couple who he found hanging around under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability." Adam popped a cork. Jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a Man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. It'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just let it rip, I'd be so cool. Oh please God let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please........." On and on he went like an excited little boy (who had to pee). Eve just smiled and shook her head at the display. She told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, and it sure seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given the ability to stand up and pee. And so it was. And it was...well, good. "Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of left-over gifts. "What's left here? Oh yes,BRAINS
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#449
Chopin

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Get some sleep or you might become a sleep deprieved zombie like fredil yupigo or landlord :)

I take offense at that... I was only sleep-deprived and confused that one day :)

:) :) ;)
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#450
Kelvin

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Got 16 hours of sleep and still don't get it. O_O.

Anyway, that one seriously is woman-biased. Sobs. To think that Adam choosed the ability to stand up and pee for brains......

~Kelvin
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