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Joke of the Day


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#451
frantique

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Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to
her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer :)
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#452
Kelvin

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Saw that one before.

Well...

Now i know why i cant sleep.
In Denmark there is 5,6 mill people.
1,7 mill is retired.
2 mill is to young to work or studies.
1,3 mill work for the goverment or is in the army.
356.200 gets financial aid.
188.500 is sick.
55.298 is in prison.
That means that there is only two people left to work, and your just sitting there reading stupid jokes...

~Kelvin
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#453
zorba the geek

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Got 16 hours of sleep and still don't get it. O_O.

Anyway, that one seriously is woman-biased. Sobs. To think that Adam choosed the ability to stand up and pee for brains......

~Kelvin


Hi Kelvin!I've highlighted the critical parts of the joke,may be you'll click now!! :)


seriously woman-biased!? Politics my friend,it never hurts to suck up to sari,frantique,
Johanna and all the other lovely ladies of G2G!!!!!!
Edit: Over the line Zorba ... and yes ... you are right, it never hurts to suck up to .... etc :)

Sooooorrrry frantique :)

Sucking up doesent seem to work,i still got my fingers slapped :) :) ;)

Edited by zorba the geek, 03 December 2007 - 10:55 AM.

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#454
frantique

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Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern
Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side
of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the
Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk
with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently,
looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail,
until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I
got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

"Good trade....."
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#455
zorba the geek

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A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened the bottle. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you any wish, but I can only grant one."

The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go because I cannot fly. Airplanes are much too frightening for me. On a boat, I see all that water and I become very claustrophobic. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii.

The genie thought for a few minutes and finally said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Imagine all the pavement needed. No, that is just too much to ask."

The man thought for a few minutes and then told the genie, "There is one other thing I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with, when they want attention, when they don't. Basically, what makes them tick."

The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"
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#456
Adrenalin

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Um...
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#457
Kelvin

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I want a pair! How much are those?!?!?!

~Kelvin
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#458
zorba the geek

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*zorba 'gone fishing
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#459
Chopin

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Zorba, that's a painting.
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#460
zorba the geek

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Zorba, that's a painting.



:) I must be loosing my touch,do i have to explain every joke now!Or maybe you're absent-minded again :) :)
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#461
frantique

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Yesterday I was having some work done at the car dealer. A blonde woman came in and asked for a seven-ten.

They all looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, "What is a seven-ten?"

She replied, "You know, the little piece In the middle of the engine. I lost it and I need a new one. It had always been there."

The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car, which had the hood up and asked, "Is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."



Go, Zorba!!!
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#462
zorba the geek

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Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
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#463
frantique

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A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Christmas and says,
"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I
are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your
sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck
they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT
getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my
brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR
ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says,
"they're coming for Christmas and paying their own way."
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#464
zorba the geek

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:) :) That's a good one,i must remember it! Bravo frantique!







Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

Said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you allowed yourselves to be dominated by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't really know. My wife just told me to stand here."
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#465
Chopin

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A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Christmas and says,
"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I
are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your
sister in Chicago and tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck
they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT
getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my
brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR
ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says,
"they're coming for Christmas and paying their own way."

An alternate ending is "We've got them here for Thanksgiving, now what do we do for Christmas?"

Nevertheless, good version too. Thanks fran :) :)
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