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Joke of the Day


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#466
zorba the geek

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A bar is empty except for two patrons. One of them staggers over to the other and says, "How's it going? Where you from?"
The other guy says "Ireland."
The first drunk says "That's cool! I'm from Ireland too! Let's have a round for Ireland!" They both drink merrily.
Then the first guy says "So where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin."
"Dublin? Awesome! I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another round for Dublin!" Once again, they both drink merrily.
Then the first guy asks, "So where did you go to school?"
"St. Mary's, class of '62" answers the other guy.
"Incredible! I graduated in '62 from St. Mary's, too! Let's have a round for St. Mary's!" Once again, they suck down another round.
Just then, one of the bar regulars walks in and sits at the bar. He asks the bartender, "So what's going on today?"
The bartender answers, "Nothing... The O'Malley twins are drunk again."




Happy Holidays

Edited by zorba the geek, 21 December 2007 - 02:56 PM.

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#467
Chopin

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:)

Happy holidays, zorba :)
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#468
frantique

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Good one, Zorba :) And I love your Christmas signature :)
I hope you guys have a wonderful holiday :)
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#469
frantique

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A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"
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#470
hfcg

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If you think about it for a second that was realy funny
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#471
frantique

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Marriage/Dating : A Child's Perspective

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (according to kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you
like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should
keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to
marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who
you're stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10


WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER
by then.
- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get
married.
- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)


HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling
at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8


WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8


WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to
know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long
enough.
- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that
Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10 (Who said boys do not have brains)


WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9


WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
(1) When they're rich.
- Pam, age 7 (I could not have said it better myself)

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess
with that.
- Curt, age 7 (Good Point)

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should
marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8 (Who made the rule)


IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
(1 ) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm
never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed
out.
- Theodore, age 8 (Too much detail for his age)

(2 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)


HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
- Kelvin, age 8

And the number 1 Favourite is........


HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a
truck.
- Ricky, age 10 ( The boy already understands)
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#472
Chopin

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:)
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#473
frantique

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WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN

For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!!!!.... For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.... For those who have children this age, this is not funny... For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning....

01. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4" deep.

02. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

03. A 3-year old voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

04. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

05. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

06. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

07. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

08. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

09. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

22. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story: One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

P.S. 60% of men who read this will try mixing Clorox and brake fluid
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#474
sari

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:) :)
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#475
dsenette

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P.S. 60% of men who read this will try mixing Clorox and brake fluid

it stinks really badly by the way
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#476
hfcg

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P.S. 60% of men who read this will try mixing Clorox and brake fluid

Mixing brake fluid and dry bleach can explode
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#477
Chopin

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Really? What's the chemical reaction?
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#478
hfcg

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Please do not try this!!! I do not know what the chemical reaction is but I know some one who got burned by mixing this
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#479
Chopin

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:)

I'll take your word for it :)
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#480
hfcg

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I'm sorry. my point was that mixing things can be dangerios (harmful)
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