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Joke of the Day


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#916
zorba the geek

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"My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."


:) :unsure: :yes: :) ;)

Well done
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#917
Road Runner

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What Ya got in that cup Mr; Zobra ?????
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#918
DonnaB

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Mr. Road Runner,

That is coffee in that thar cup. I gotta get me some of that. I see it has done wonders for Mr. Zorba. And don't you dare tease him about his cute little fuzzy slippers. I'm jealous and want a pair of my own.

Now, before I head off down these corridors of learning, here's one for all of those couples expecting a new baby that my friend Mr. Basementgeek had posted elsewhere.




The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."

She looked at the men in the room, "And Gentlemen, remember, you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?" answered the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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#919
Road Runner

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I think I need me some of whats in the cup :)
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#920
DonnaB

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ROFL!!! My joke for the day!

I was just notified that I got a speeding ticket in NEW YORK via spam e-mail!!

'Uniform Traffic Ticket' Malware Email

Funny thing is...........................I've never been there! Posted Image

Just had to share my delight!! :unsure: The jokes on them!

I know...not the right forum to put this in but I thought it was funny! :)
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#921
Crowbar

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Funny thing is...........................I've never been there!


DonnaB,
You've never been here? It's ok to visit, not all of us want to install trojans on your computer! :)
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#922
DonnaB

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:)

That's funny Crowbar! You caught me off guard!

Well...via Travel Channel maybe. But never in reality. Would love to visit!

Can you imagine how many people actually would click to see even if they had never been there?

Not :unsure: !

Edited by DonnaB, 20 July 2011 - 06:25 PM.

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#923
Amst3rDamag3

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YoMamma_ArtByBart.jpg
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#924
Amst3rDamag3

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A man visits the doctor, and says:
"Oh doctor, my wife left me, my health is fading and my business went bankrupt... I've lost the will to live and want to end it all, WHAT SHOULD I DO???"

On which the doctor replies: "Pay me in advance please..." Posted Image
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#925
Amst3rDamag3

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Seems like this topic is almost dead.... Posted Image

So I'll bump it for the last time.... Posted Image

www.ARTbybART.eu_Not funny Scotty.jpg
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#926
DonnaB

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Seems like this topic is almost dead.... Posted Image


You'll find it goes in spurts!

I thought this was funny!

There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman sitting next to him and says, "Hey, you look familiar.

Are you from around here?" The man answers, "Yeah, I live down the street."

"No kidding?" says the first man, "Well, so do I. And hey, you look about my age. Where did you go to high school?"

"Oh I went to Francis Lewis over on Utopia. Graduated in '66.

How 'bout you?"

"Get out. I went to Francis Lewis. And I graduated in '66, too." "Where'd you go to college?"

"Beloit, in Wisconsin."

"No way! I went to Beloit too. What dorm?"

"Kevin Sullivan dorm."

"Sullivan? You're not going to believe this . . ."

Joe the bartender walks over, and the first guy says, "Joe, you won't believe it in a million years. This guy went to the same

high school as me, graduated the same year I did, and went to the same college. We were even in the same dorm. Isn't that amazing?"

Joe looks at them both and says, "Yeah, that's just plain amazing."

A third man comes in and says, "Hey Joe. What's new?" Joe says, "Not much. The Johnson twins are drunk again."
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#927
DonnaB

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Here's another for you.

This big dude walks into a bar with a little spider on his shoulder, as soon as one of the dudes in there spots it, he tells his friends and they all laugh.

The man says: "Laugh while you can, 'cos this spider is stronger than any of you!!!"

The man making fun replies "I'd like to see that!!"

"Fine, my spider will pick up this bar stool" he sets the spider on the floor and the spider easily picks it up.

"That's nothing!!"

"But there's more, now the spider will pick up a table" and the spider easily picks up the table.

The men, not letting the spider impress them, only boo it "Now, gentlemen, this tiny spider will pick up the bar!!" and the spider spits on his hands, rubs them together and makes a great effort, but it picks up the bar!!!

The men, a little impressed ask "What else can it do??" So the man says "Now, it will pick up the bar with everyone of us on it!!" thinking it couldn't be done, the men start to get on the bar until there's like 40 guys on it.

The spider looks worried but starts walking towards the bar with an air of determination. suddenly, a man walks into the bar sees the spider on the floor walking towards the bar, and steps on it "You bunch of babies, scared of a little spider!!!!"

Ba, dum, dum!<-- that's supposed to be a drum roll. :)
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#928
Plastic Nev

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DonnaB that is a cracker and will be told in my local bar tonight.
Reminds me of a story of the rather weedy and sad looking guy sat at a bar with a pint in front of him.
The roar of a bike comes from outside which is then shut off and a huge big biker guy walks in, he looks at the weedy guy, strolls over, picks up the pint and drinks it down in one.
The weedy guy sees this and breaks down into tears.
The biker says, "hey, I only drank your pint, you can always get another!"
The weedy one says "Everything is going wrong, my wife upped and left last night, this morning I got sacked from my job, then I find the wife hadn't paid any of the mortgage off and has emptied the bank, so my house is going to be repossessed. I decide I am going to kill myself, then you stroll in here and drink my poison!!"
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#929
Amst3rDamag3

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:unsure:

Great, I'll have something to talk about tonight!

:)
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#930
godawgs

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It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me and killed me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."
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