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Joke of the Day


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#106
freddfu

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weEE! hah. ha. ha-unngh. hmm. yeah wutever
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#107
cowsgonemadd3

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Thanks everyone for the laughs! I read through all 8 pages tonight!

Here is one of my own.

Recorded from a actual live tech support conversation when I was helping someone.
I got a little humor out of it and thought you might too. The user also laughed.

<user> ps-why do you think my cordless keyboard keeps playing up?
[11:06] <user> do i need a new one
[11:06] <cowsgonemadd3> batteries
[11:07] <cowsgonemadd3> most likely batteris
[11:07] <user> I didnt think it ran on batteries
[11:07] <cowsgonemadd3> lol
[11:07] <user> lol
[11:07] <cowsgonemadd3> cordless keyboard?
[11:07] <user> sorry not very techy me!
[11:07] <cowsgonemadd3> its ok

And another one in my collection:

A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in a small town in West Texas.He
sits at the counter and notices an older cowboy with his arms folded staring
blankly at a bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it,
the young cowboy bravely asks, "if you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"
The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in
his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."
Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his
place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom
and notices a dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl.
The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got too!"
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#108
fleamailman

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From Wizard of Id comic twenty years ago.

King fink: have you are last words before we hang you.
Pesent: have a nice day.
Hangman: oh boy I am going to enjoy this. :tazz:
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#109
cowsgonemadd3

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Think a gallon of gas is expensive? This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.

Diet Snapple: 16 oz $1.29 or $10.32 per gallon
Lipton Iced Tea: 16 oz $1.19 or $9.52 per gallon
Gatorade: 20 oz $1.59 or $10.17 per gallon
Ocean Spray: 16 oz $1.25 or $10.00 per gallon
Brake Fluid: 12 oz $3.15 or $33.60 per gallon
Vick's Nyquil: 6 oz $8.35 or $178.13 per gallon
Pepto Bismol: 4 oz $3.85 or $123.20 per gallon
Whiteout: 7 oz $1.39 or $25.42 per gallon
Scope: 1.5 oz $0.99 or $84.48 per gallon
Evian water: 9 oz $1.49 or $21.19 per gallon?!

So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or God forbid Pepto Bismal or Nyquil.
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#110
Metallica

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So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or God forbid Pepto Bismal or Nyquil.

View Post



Or diesel :tazz:
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#111
cowsgonemadd3

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Yeah would not want my car to run on that either!

THE 'F' TEST


Read the sentence below:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.


Count the F's in that sentence...Only count them once!

When you are done... scroll down for the answer!









ANSWER:

There are six F's in the sentence.
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#112
cowsgonemadd3

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This was developed as an age test by an R&D department at
Harvard University. Take your time and see if you can read
each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over
40 years of age can't do it!

1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is an cat
7. This is old cat
8. This is person cat
9. This is busy cat
10. This is for cat
11. This is forty cat
12. This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the
top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on.
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#113
jasper the rasper

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:tazz: ;) ;)
All right then you got me. I read it perfectly the first time despite my age it was the second part that got me laughing. You are so right.
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#114
HarryMay

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A golfer is waiting to be paired up w/someone when the pro comes over and introduces him to his partner,who turns out to be a very attractive woman.They go the whole 18 and she wins so she buys him a drink.This scene is played out several times,always the same,she wins and buys him a drink.He finally gets the courage to ask her out and she says she has a secret to tell him first,that she's really a transvestite.WHAT,he screams,THIS CAN't BE,you've been hitting off the reds all this time. :tazz:
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#115
cowsgonemadd3

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The following are genuine mistakes from church bulletins:

20. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in

19. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

18. The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

17. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

16. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

15. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

14. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.

13. bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

12. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

11. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is [bleep]?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

10. The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth With Joy."

9. During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.

8. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

7. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service, we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

6. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his private study.

5. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

4. The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.

3. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.

2. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.

1. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
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#116
Major Payne

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Redneck Computer Glossary

"Hard drive" - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

"Keyboard" - Place to hang your truck keys.

"Window" - Place in the truck to hang your guns.

"Modem" - How you got rid of your dandelions.

"ROM" - Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.

"Byte" - First word in a kiss-off phrase.

"Reboot" - What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.

"Network" - Activity meant to provide bait for your trout line.

"Mouse" - Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.

"LAN" - To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."

"Cursor" - What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

"bit" - A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch long ways."

"digital control" - What yore fingers do on the TV remote.

"packet" - What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.


Ron
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#117
HarryMay

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when I got home last night grandpa said a few of my friends were out back of the garage,having a p-ing contest,to see who could make it furthest up the wall."grandpa,what'd you do? I asked.I nearly hit the roof,he yelled. :tazz:
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#118
free-forums.org

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A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was very small.



The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a penguin.
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#119
Major Payne

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For those my age :

Elderly Men...
Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," came the reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"

"Nine," says the third man.

"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

"Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."

Ron
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#120
Major Payne

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For the ladies :

11 People On A Rope

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to leave, because otherwise they are all going to fall.

They were not able to name that person, until the woman held a very touching speech. She said that she will voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she is used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.......

Ron
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