Customer Service (CS) Rep.: "Yes, Ma'am, how may I help you today?"
Customer: "Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can
you guide me through the process?"
CS Rep. : "Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?"
Customer: "Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install
now. What do I do first?"
CS Rep. : "The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART
Customer: "Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right
now. Is it okay to install while they are running?"
CS Rep. : "What programs are running ma'am?"
Customer: "Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and
RESENTMENT.COM running right now."
CS Rep. : "No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your
current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it
will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite
LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you
have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs
prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?"
Customer: "I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?"
CS Rep. : "My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do
this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have
been completely erased."
Customer: "Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is
Cs Rep. : "Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for
the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?"
Customer: "Yes I do. Is it completely installed?"
Cs Rep. : "Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need
to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades."
Customer: "Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?"
Cs Rep. : "What does the message say?"
Customer: "It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS. What
does that mean?"
Cs Rep. : "Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the
LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on
your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in
nontechnical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it
can "LOVE" others."
Customer: "So what should I do?"
Cs Rep. : "Can you pull down the directory called "SELFACCEPTANCE"?"
Customer: "Yes, I have it."
Cs Rep. : "Excellent. You're getting good at this."
Customer: "Thank you."
Cs Rep. : "You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them
to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and
ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files
and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete
VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle
bin afterwards to make sure it is completely and permanently gone erased."
Customer: "Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is
playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and
CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?"
Cs Rep. : "Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything
gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You
should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go."
Cs Rep. : "LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to
everybody you meet. They will share it with other people and then return
some similarly sacred modules back to you."
Remember, if you want to have love in your life, you have to know how to
install the right programs.