[Major Payne]

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.
-- Lucille Ball (Uncommon Scold, 1989, by A. Adams)

[Advertisements]

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
-- Don Marquis (O Rare Don Marquis, 1962, by E Anthony)

[Major Payne]

Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.
-- Don Marquis (O Rare Don Marquis, 1962, by E Anthony)

[Major Payne]

I'm back... and you knew I was coming. On my way here I passed a cinema with the sign 'The Mummy Returns'.
-- Margaret Thatcher (on campaigning for Conservative William Hague, May 2001)

[Major Payne]

Whenever the talk turns to age, I say I am 49 plus VAT.
-- Lionel Blair (The Mail on Sunday, June 1999)

[Major Payne]

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
-- George Burns

[Major Payne]

Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five.
-- Max Frisch

[Major Payne]

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas'.
-- Claude D. Pepper

[Major Payne]

Everybody wants to live forever, but nobody wants to grow old.
-- Jonathan Swift

[Major Payne]

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
-- Oscar Wilde

[Major Payne]

To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old.
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

[Major Payne]

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
-- George Burns

[BHowett]

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?
-- Billy Connoly

Thats funny.....kind of like when your standing in front of an elavator and you all ready pushed the button, and then other people show up see the light is on meaning the button has been pushed, but they push it again anyway. Like that going to get the elavator there any faster

[Major Payne]

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
-- George Burns

[Major Payne]

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?
-- Billy Connoly

Thats funny.....kind of like when your standing in front of an elavator and you all ready pushed the button, and then other people show up see the light is on meaning the button has been pushed, but they push it again anyway. Like that going to get the elavator there any faster

Actually I've done that myself. The elevator doesn't arrive any sooner.

Ron

[Major Payne]

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
-- George Burns