[Major Payne]

It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!
-- Richard Jeni

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Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.
-- Bob Hope

[Major Payne]

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.
-- Bob Hope

[Major Payne]

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings ... and lawyers.
-- Richard Pryor

[Major Payne]

In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.
-- Sam Ewing (June 1994, National Enquirer)

[Major Payne]

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-- Phyllis Diller

[Major Payne]

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
-- Jackie Mason

[Major Payne]

Marriage can be viewed as the waiting room for death.
-- Mike Myers

[Major Payne]

It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.
-- Spike Milligan

[Major Payne]

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
-- Max Kauffmann

[Major Payne]

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-- Henry Youngman

[Major Payne]

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.
-- Les Dawson

[Major Payne]

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
-- Michel de Montaigne

[Major Payne]

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor

[Major Payne]

All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.
-- Lord Byron

[Major Payne]

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
-- Joey Adams