so what are YOU doing tomorrow to celebrate the occasion?
I plan of following our most recent tradition (of the past 3 or so years) of going to our friends' house out on the outskirts of town (surprisingly in the middle of one of the richest, hoitiest, toitiest areas around Knoxville) for an obscene amount of deviled eggs, hamburgers, hot dogs, and possibly a brew or two (think I'm gonna pick up some Old Speckled Hen from the world market....mmmm).
But being the EXTREME pyromaniac that i am, the main attraction will be the fireworks display that me and my friend let loose on the neighborhood...we're USUALLY pretty safe...but on occasion things happen...
2 years ago we had two catastrophic failures....
the first one involved a "mortar" type firework being put into the wrong sized launch tube by someone ( )...if you've never fired this type of firework...it's basically a ball (or canister) filled with gunpowder and effects type deals with a "launch" charge on the bottom of the ball with a fuse...you drop this ball into a cardboard tube, light the fuse and get back...the launch charge ignites (sounding like a cannon) and sends the ball with the effects soaring into the sky, at which point that ball explodes and spreads out the little stars (that are burning about the same temperature as the sun) in the sky....well if you put one of these things in a launch tube that's too large...the launch charge can't build up enough pressure behind the effects ball to launch it into the sky so it stays in the tube (and mocks you by calling your mother names) until it explodes showering the yard (including an 11 year old 3 drunk girls 4 drunk dudes and a pregnant lady) with burning hot balls of metal...extremely entertaining for me....everyone else finished watching the show from inside
the second failure was NOT my fault...we've got a favorite firework....the Texas rattlesnake (if you see one of these in your local fireworks store...get 12...they're awesome)...this is one of those "brick" style fireworks that has a bunch of little tubes with self contained non re loadable mortar type charges in each tube, and it's fused in such a way that these launches are all timed very well so it puts on a really nice show...well my friend put one of these on top of one that we had already shot earlier (not a good idea) so when it fired it tipped over...of course by all laws of the "idiots with fireworks soon cause damage" principle it fell pointing towards the house (and everyone who had decided that it was safe enough to come back outside after the last snafu) and began to unleash it's fury upon us...now this thing's not a giant firework...but it's got a "program" (as the pros sometimes call it) that lasts for at least 40 seconds...so since this thing fell over after the first shot...we had approximately 35 seconds of "OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD" moments ahead of us...when the onslaught finally finished we looked over to see one of our (particularly inebriated) friends sitting in a lawn chair...he apparently hadn't moved through the entire ordeal, with burning embers of death whizzing past his head... when questioned about his experience he could only say "That was real? i thought it was the whiskey"
that year consisted of approximately $175 to $200 worth of fireworks...this year we should have about $300....so...hopefully it should be good...and even more hopefully...I'll still have fingers to type with on Thursday