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Computer Humor


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#1
Major Payne

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* There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

* A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

* The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!'.

* At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer, you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.

* Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."

* Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."

* Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.

* Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

* Hit any user to continue.

* I wish life had an UNDO function.

* If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.

* It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit in the drive.

* Microsoft Windows: computing While U Wait

* 665.9238429876 - Number of the Pentium Beast

* I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

* My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

* Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.

* "To know recursion, you must first know recursion"

* Life's unfair - but root password helps!

* Mountain Dew and doughnuts... because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

* Hey! It compiles! Ship it!

* "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

* Intel: We put the "um..." in Pentium.

* Helpdesk tip #2: When the support analyst says "Click...", wait for the rest of the sentence.

* BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding

* BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!

* As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

* Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....

* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

* All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

* A good programmer makes all the right mistakes.

* Managing programmers is like herding cats.

* "There is an old saying that if a million monkeys typed on a million keyboards for a million years, eventually all the works of Shakespeare would be produced. Now, thanks to Usenet, we know this is not true."

* "A good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street."

* C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

* A computer scientist is someone who, when told to "Go to [bleep]," sees the "go to," rather than the destination, as harmful.

* 1010011010 - The binary number of the Beast
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#2
dsenette

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* "There is an old saying that if a million monkeys typed on a million keyboards for a million years, eventually all the works of Shakespeare would be produced. Now, thanks to Usenet, we know this is not true."

heheh usenet....anyone actually know what that is?

*dsenette does
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#3
Chopin

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Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS


I'm going to do that :whistling:
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#4
Major Payne

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Wonder how long it will be before someone Googles for it?

Ron
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#5
Transience

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just a wee bit off topic, fredil i like your sig... lots of pretty colors
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#6
Chopin

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Why thank you, Transience. It took me a while to get it working and find the dots :blink:

I added BUGS=OFF to my virtual machine's config.sys... it didn't do anything too exciting :whistling:
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#7
zorba the geek

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You Might Be a Computers' Support Technician if...


when asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.

you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.

you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page.

after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number.

you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.

you look for a icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.

you look for the undo command after making a mistake.

you disdain people who use low baud rates.

you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screwdriver to use.

you can understand sentences with four or more acronyms in them.

you would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.

you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.

you see a bumper sticker that says "Users are Losers" and you have no idea it is referring to drugs.

you know without a doubt that diskettes come in five-and-a-quarter and three-and-a-half inch sizes.

you have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better -- the track ball or the track pad.

you are zen-like in your acceptance of users, realizing that there is no limit to the depths of cluelessness, and yet you help them anyway. :whistling:
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#8
zorba the geek

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:) [attachment=15941:backup.jpg]
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#9
zorba the geek

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[attachment=16047:AirBag.jpg] :)
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#10
Chopin

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Hey, I was reading the other day... and I didn't understand a word (just that one word). I tried to click it, before I realized that it wasn't GTG or Wikipedia :)

Edited by Fredil Yupigo, 12 October 2007 - 06:26 PM.

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#11
zorba the geek

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[attachment=16224:pic31661.jpg] :)
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#12
frantique

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[attachment=16366:computersdown.jpg]
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#13
zorba the geek

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[attachment=16370:0135.jpg]Keyboard problem,anybody knows how to fix it?

Edited by zorba the geek, 31 October 2007 - 10:47 AM.

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#14
Chopin

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A bowl of dog food
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#15
keithr128

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