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Computer Humor


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#31
zorba the geek

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How'd you get a photo of the last G2G admin meeting? i thought we had that in a secure location?





*zorba is learning fast,"Goggle is your friend"Btw:i can't see the monkey with all this monkeys around,where are you? :)
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#32
frantique

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Put your glasses on Zorba :) It's kind of like "Where's Wally?" only it's "Where's Dsenette?"
[attachment=16911:many_monkeys_n_one.jpg]
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#33
zorba the geek

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Thanks frantique,he blends right in,doesent he :)
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#34
frantique

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My neighbor works in the operations department
in the central office of a large bank. Employees in
the field call him when they have problems with their
computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one
of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got
smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys
have a fire downtown?"


I saw a lady at work putting a credit
card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very
quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she
said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept
asking for a credit card number, so she was using the
ATM "thingy."
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#35
PsychPosse

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I was battling with a computer issue the other day at work. I asked the IT director if he knew what the problem was and he told me it was a .pebcac extension problem.

So, I googled the extension, since I had never heard of it, and of course, here are the results PEBCAC :)

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#36
zorba the geek

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Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:

"Wordperfect Customer Support; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.

"Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

"Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer." :) :) :)
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#37
cable89

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Dr. Seuss Explains Computers
If a Packet Hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then the situation's hopeless and your systems gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom.
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#38
cable89

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sorry for double post but i cant resist it it very mysterious and i think you guys might like it

Desperately seeking technical support!

I'm currently running the latest version of Girlfriend 5.0 and having some problems. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 for years as my primary application, and all the Girlfriend releases have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if you minimize Girlfriend with the sound off, but since I can't find the switch to turn it off, I just run them separately and it works OK.

Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with Golfware, often trying to abort my Golf program with some sort of timing incompatibility. I probably should have stayed with Girlfriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance with Girlfriend 2.0.

After months of conflicts, I consulted a friend who has experience with Girlfriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run Girlfriend 2.0 and eventually it would require a Token Ring upgrade to run properly. He was right. As soon as I purged my cache, Girlfriend 2.0 uninstalled itself.

Shortly after that, I installed a Girlfriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus. After a hard drive clean up and thorough virus scan I very cautiously upgraded to Girlfriend 4.0. This time using a SCSI probe and virus protection. It worked OK for a while until I discovered Girlfriend 1.0 wasn't completely uninstalled!

I tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 again with Girlfriend 4.0 still installed, but Girlfriend 4.0 has an unadvertised feature that automatically senses the presence of Girlfriend 1.0 and communicates with it in some way, resulting in the immediate removal of both versions!

The version I have now works pretty well, but, like all versions, there are still some problems. The Girlfriend package is written in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. And I've never liked how Girlfriend is totally 'object-oriented.'

A year ago, a friend upgraded his version to GirlfriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate-and-Stay resident version. He discovered GirlfriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiance9e 1.0. So he did. But soon after that, you have to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a 'huge resource hog.' It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. And, although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw 1.0, which has an automatic popup feature he can't turn off.

Edit: Removed some not so family friendly material

Edited by frantique, 17 January 2008 - 01:57 AM.

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#39
zorba the geek

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:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

No other comment necessary
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#40
cable89

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thanks mate lol i am glad you enjoyed it


Young Susie was having trouble with her computer so she called Wes, the computer guy, over to her desk. Wes clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away Susie called after him, "So, what was wrong?" And he replied, "It was an 'ID ten T' error." A puzzled expression ran riot over Susie's face. " 'An ID ten T' error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?" He gave her a grin. "Haven't you ever seen an 'ID ten T' error before?" Susie replied, "No." "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." . . . . . . . . . . I D 1 0 T .
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#41
zorba the geek

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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages. :)
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#42
cable89

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these are really funny true bumper stick

Edit: Much of this material was in violation of our TOU and the rest was just too much! Please do not make such long posts.

Second edit: On second thoughts, this thread is for computer humor not bumper stickers!

Edited by frantique, 22 January 2008 - 10:29 AM.

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#43
zorba the geek

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[attachment=18012:cooling_your_pc.jpg]
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#44
frantique

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:) :) :) That's a cool idea :) Especially during a hot summer ... you wouldn't even have to leave the computer to eat or drink :)
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#45
zorba the geek

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[attachment=18019:internet..._jokebig.jpg]








frantique? :)
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