[Juey]

Take heart, anyone among you who believes he or she is
technologically challenged, you "ain't seen nothing" yet. This is an excerpt from a Wall Street Journal article:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to
"Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be
the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer
to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician
discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it
in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap
and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The
tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents.
He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find
printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face
the printer but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get
her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse...

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new
computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in
and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When
asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for
support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in
the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to
put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in." The user hadn't
realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied removing Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:

CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my
warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"

CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a
promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point, the Tech Rep
had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and it had snapped it off the drive.

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows." The woman
responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good
point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."

12. And last but not least:

TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at
the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager.

CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".

TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."

CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"

TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."

CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that."

[Advertisements]

Those were great! I love stuff like that.

Some I've heard or read before, but it didn''t take away from the laughs.

Thanks...Ron

By the way...does the young lady dancing need a partner?

[Major Payne]

Those were great! I love stuff like that.

Some I've heard or read before, but it didn''t take away from the laughs.

Thanks...Ron

By the way...does the young lady dancing need a partner?

[Juey]

WoWZa1!! If you're offering another one....YES!

[Salient]

the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it
in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

OMG!

Good ones indeed.

[Hemal]

OMG hahahahahaaa i think i almosted "peed" myself when i finsihed reading those

[Justin]

After 5 hours of filling out one college application, that was a laugh that I definately needed!

[John_L]

I just had to add this.

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one..

******

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ."
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet.. it's
still on my desk... Sorry...

******

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

******

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm
not Bill Gates!

******

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print.
Every time I try, it says Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the
printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says
it can't find it...

******

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah..................Thank you.

******

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

******

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: Okay.
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah..that one does work!

******

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a
capital letter V as in Victor, and the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

******

A customer couldn't get on the Internet:
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

******

Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

******

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has put a screen saver
on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!


And the winner is...

Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do
I get the circle around it?

[Kat]

I'm wiping tears here! Those are priceless!!


I feel quite a lot smarter all of the sudden!

[Maiestas]

Oh man, and the tears keep coming !!!

Feels good to know your puters problems are nothing compared to these folks

[warriorscot]

Lol, we have had a few hum dingers here as well. I once had a chap who had managed(at least he though he had) to install a new gfx card and the proceeded tp plug his monitor into his MODEM. He then asked why his monitor didnt work, when i then in great detail described what the port looked like and where he could find it, several times. I dont think he believed me when i said the modem was for the internet and not the modem.

[dsenette]

hehehhehehahahahahahahah....i remember that guy scot...hahahahahaha i wanted to go to his house and kick him....just once...and not that hard...just...kick him

[meighnot]

I had a client once whose four year-old had put a Kraft Single into the floppy disk drive. How the kid got it in there, I don't know, but I do know that once the cheese becomes shredded and melted in the drive, it's easier to replace floppy drive than any other solution.

Had another client whose computer I had just designed, built and set up call me the very next day to tell me that her sound wasn't working. I thought this was odd, since I'd made sure that the sound was working before I left her place of business the day before. I asked the usual questions about speakers being plugged in, turned on, and asked if she had moved or changed any of the wires into the back of the computer. She assured me that the speakers were plugged in, they were turned on, the sound properties had none of the mute boxes checked, the volume was up, and that she had not touched any of the wires behind the computer.

I went on site, got paid for a site call (which is always a minimum of one hour at my hourly rate) and sure enough the speakers were turned on and plugged in, the computer was on, the sound wasn't muted, and the volume was up. I take a peek at the back of the computer and notice that she has unplugged the speakers from the port I had plugged them into the day before and put them into another port. I asked 'Did you move this cable?' and she said 'Well when I started up the computer today, the sound didn't work, so I started moving that cable around to all the different ports. That didn't work. Then I noticed that the speakers were off, so I turned them on. Then I couldn't remember which hole that was supposed to go in, so I put it in pink.'

So she paid me for an hour long on-site call for a 30 second fix and a reminder that on her sound card, speakers plug into green.

[warriorscot]

Green goes to green the miracle of colour coding.