Some of my favorites...
Education costs money, but then, so does ignorance.
- Sir Claus Moser
At twenty years of age, the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at forty, the judgment. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) Statesman
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher an animal, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects." -- Robert Heinlin
"The secret of being miserable is to have leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not. The cure for it is occupation."
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of.
Benjamin Franklin, 'Poor Richard's Almanack,' June 1746
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W.C. Fields
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
Sir Winston Churchill
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. - Groucho Marx (1890-1977).
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
A. A. Milne
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
- Mitch Ratliffe
I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.
Franklin P. Adams (1881-1960)
I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed.