Joke of the Day
Posted 30 March 2014 - 03:13 PM
Posted 01 April 2014 - 01:47 AM
Some funny stuff here
I am more annoyed than a dragon trying to blow out candles.
Posted 18 June 2014 - 11:57 AM
Two gay cowboys - one said YUP and the other said YEP.
Two old maids on a beach and a streaker ran past, one had a stroke, the other one couldn’t reach.
Quasimodo being chased by a crowd of kids and yelling -
'Bugger off, I have`nt got your football'
A happy Rottweiler.
Edited by John Bull, 23 June 2014 - 01:47 PM.
Posted 29 June 2014 - 04:47 PM
A copper stops a woman for speeding and asks for license and registration. she says she does not have any of that and that she also has a fully loaded gun in the boot. He says don't move why I call for backup. So he calls for backup and explains the situation. Backup arrives and the woman then gives the other officer her license and registration. And the officer finds nothing in the boot. Then she points at the other officer and says "I bet he's lied about me speeding too!"
Posted 02 July 2014 - 06:53 AM
Lifeguard with a sense of humor
Posted 02 July 2014 - 10:18 AM
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller : Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don't have a mouse you fool!
Caller: Mmmmm??.. Oh really?... I will send a picture.
Posted 10 July 2014 - 10:10 PM
Posted 11 July 2014 - 02:12 AM
Posted 14 September 2014 - 09:37 AM
A guy goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter asks the guy for the bravest act in his life. The guy tells him: "Well, I spotted a group of guys messing with a girl and I asked them to stop it. When they laughed at me, I picked the biggest one of them, pushed him to the ground and yelled at him to stop."
Saint Peter was visibly impressed. He asked: "Wow, when did you do that?"
The guy says: "About 2 minutes ago!"
Posted 28 October 2014 - 07:26 AM
Two old guys were reminiscing about the good old days when a single penny could buy a few things, and one oldster says, I remember my mother sent me down the street to the shops with her biggest shopping bag and two shillings. (Two shillings was old UK money, worth ten new pence now)
I came home with five pounds of potatoes, ten very large carrots, two loaves of bread, four packets of cigarettes for my mum, two packets of pipe tobacco for my dad, a bottle of wine to go with dinner and a big bag of toffee or candy for myself.
You can't do that these days, there are too many of those security camera's around now.
Posted 22 November 2014 - 12:02 PM
There are only 10 kinds of people in the world...
Those that understand binary, and those that dont!
Posted 04 December 2014 - 02:24 PM
It is the start of the winter period in the northern hemisphere with Christmas not much more than a few weeks away, so if you are starting to feel cold, it is advised that you sit in the corner.
It is 90 degrees.
I suppose that is acute joke.
Posted 28 December 2014 - 04:54 PM
As soon as the train leaves the station, the three Microsoft engineers rush from their seats and all squeeze into one restroom. When the conductor comes through the car he knocks on the restroom door and says "ticket please!" The door opens a crack and the one ticket is handed to the conductor. The Linux engineers are impressed, and decide that's what they will do on the trip back.
Then on the return trip, the Linux engineers notice that the Microsoft engineers haven't bought any tickets. "How do you plan on getting home without any tickets?" they ask. "Watch and learn," one of the Microsoft engineers tells them.
As soon as the train leaves the station, the three Linux engineers hurry for the restroom. A few moments later, one of the Microsoft engineers gets up from his seat, knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket please!"
Posted 30 December 2014 - 12:14 AM
was still funny even tho you managed to get the linux and m$ engineers the wrong way around in the joke.
Posted 04 January 2015 - 11:19 AM
There was a quiet little pub somewhere in southern Ireland, when a party of Americans walked in. The leader of the group said, "You Irish are known to be heavy drinkers, so I want to make a wager that no one can drink thirty pints of Guinness in thirty minutes, I will pay ten thousand Euro's to anyone who can"
No one took him on, however little Shaun was seen to sneak out the back of the pub.
Forty minutes later, Shaun came back in through the front door and went straight to the American and asked if the bet was still on, The American said "yes it sure is", so thirty pints were pulled and lined up on the bar. Exactly twenty nine minutes and fifty eight seconds later Shaun had drunk the lot, just managing the time limit by two seconds.
The American was quite amazed, however he still paid out the ten thousand Euro's. Then asked Shaun why he had left before coming back in to take on the bet.
Shaun replied, "Well sir, ten thousand Euro's is a lot of money to a man like myself, so I nipped across to the pub on the other side of the road to see if I could actually do it."
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