Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding,he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I
don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on
the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go
hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my
rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night- whether you're
here or not."
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary!The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you
a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads, "Here Lies My Husband-Stiff At Last.'"
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in
bed either," and storms out of the house. After some time, he
realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband
says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"She says, "I was in
bed." "What are you doing in bed this early?" he asks,"Getting a
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, " Mother of Six"
in spite of her objections.One night, they go to a party. The man
decides that it is time to go home and wants to find out if his wife
is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall
we go home 'Mother of six?"His wife, irritated by her husband's lack
of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of
Marriage (Part V)
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the
next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at
5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight.Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a pieceof paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.