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Joke of the Day


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#181
tampabelle

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Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding,he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I
don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on
the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go
hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my
rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night- whether you're
here or not."

======================================================================
Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary!The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you
a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads, "Here Lies My Husband-Stiff At Last.'"

====================================================================
Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in
bed either," and storms out of the house. After some time, he
realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband
says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"She says, "I was in
bed." "What are you doing in bed this early?" he asks,"Getting a
second opinion!"

======================================================================
Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so
proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, " Mother of Six"
in spite of her objections.One night, they go to a party. The man
decides that it is time to go home and wants to find out if his wife
is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall
we go home 'Mother of six?"His wife, irritated by her husband's lack
of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of
Four."

======================================================================

Marriage (Part V)

THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the
next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at
5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight.Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a pieceof paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

======================================================================
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#182
Resident_Blonde

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GTG_joke.jpg
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#183
Resident_Blonde

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This is not a joke, but thought it was awesome when I was able to read it...




Typoglycemia

Don't delete this because it looks weird. Believe it or not you can read it .....

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg
The unphaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia :tazz:-

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.
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#184
dsenette

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resident blonde....i think my dyslexia actually helped on that one
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#185
Luke1988

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resident blonde : that is well good, couldnt believe i could acctually read that!! :tazz:
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#186
RockyIV

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This is not a joke, but thought it was awesome when I was able to read it...


Typoglycemia

Don't delete this because it looks weird. Believe it or not you can read it .....

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg
The unphaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia :tazz:-

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.

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WOW....that actually worked!! Human Mind....worlds' greatest creation!
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#187
Resident_Blonde

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resident blonde....i think my dyslexia actually helped on that one

:tazz: Same here, but I think I have more issues with numbers than I do with letters/words.... But pretty wild, I could not believe I could read that either... :)






:)
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#188
fflowergirl

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A blonde called her old boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help
me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how to get
it started."

Her old boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her old boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.

She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the
table.

He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to
her and said,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble
these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.

He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice
cup of hot chocolate and then............",

*

*

*

*

*

he sighed,

*

*

*

*

"Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."

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#189
NemanjaM

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WHY DO MEN PEE STANDING UP?


I have an another version of this one... :)

God was creating man and women and he had two things left to give. So he started:

God: I have two things left...First one is to pee standing up, and a sec...
Adam: ME, me, me! I want it, let me have that...
God: Wait, it would be wiser to hear the wh...
Adam: No, no, no, no... I decided, i want it...Please let me have that...Let me, let me, let me...
God: Oh ok...From now on u can pee standing up, and for the second thing - u got that one Eve...
Eve: What is it?
God: Multiple oragasms...

Typoglycemia


Man, i couldn't believe that i managed to actually read that... :tazz:
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#190
fleamailman

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Typoglycemia folks, now you see the way I have been doing my posts. :tazz:
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#191
fleamailman

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Sorry I don't know what gtg really stands for but looking below one gets the idea




GM
General Maintenance
Great Mistake
Garbage Motors
Generally Miserable
Grossly Misconceived
Gluteus Maximus

GMC
Garage Man's Companion
Gotta Mechanic Coming?
Generally Mediocre Cars
Get More Chicks
Gets Mechanics Crazy
Gods Mechanical Curse
Got More Crap
Great Mountain Climber
Great Motor Car

GTO
Gas, Tires, Oil

HONDA
Had One Never Did Again
Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
Hallmark Of Non-Descript Automobiles
Hallmark Of Non-Destructable Automobiles
HYUNDAI Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

JEEP
Just Eats Every Part
Junk Engineering Executed Poorly
Just Empty Every Pocket

MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

MG
Money Guzzler

MGB
Might Go Backwards

MGF
Might Go Forward

MIATA
My Intention Always To Accelerate

MOPAR
Many Odd Parts Arranged Randomly
Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously
Most Often Passed At Races
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Move Over People Are Racing
Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly
My Old Pig Ain't Running
My Only Problems Are Repairs

MUSTANG
Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good

OLDSMOBILE
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment
old ladies driving slowly making other behind insanely late everyday

PINTO
Put In Nickel To Operate
Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook

PLYMOUTH
Please Leave Your Money Out Under The Hood

PORSCHE
Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

SAAB
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Sad Attempt At Beauty
Sorry Auto, Always Broken
Shape Appears [bleep]-Backwards

SUBARU
Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
Torturous On Your Old Tired [bleep]
The One You Ought To Avoid

TRIUMPH
This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help!
Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt!

VOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW
Virtually Worthless
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#192
HarryMay

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A man walks into a bar."ouch" he complained.
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#193
cleverboy12

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Why was 6 scared of 7 ?

because 7 8 ( ate ) 9 ! :tazz:
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#194
cleverboy12

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Why was 6 scared of 7 ?

because 7 8 ( ate ) 9 ! :tazz:
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#195
PastaBoy4

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[removed]

This is a family forum accessible by all -- please keep it clean. :tazz:

Edited by admin, 14 September 2005 - 11:33 AM.

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