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Joke of the Day


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#901
zorba the geek

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The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees
home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster
the boss asked," Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked," Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again
the small voice whispered, "no".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home
alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person
who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone there
besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman". Wondering what a cop would be
doing at his employee's home, the boss asked "May I speak with the
policeman"?

"No, he's busy", whispered the child." Busy doing
what?, asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman",
came the whispered answer.


Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is
that noise?"

"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on
there?", asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just
landed the hello-copper"I Love Ya Man

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss
asked, "Why are they there"?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:


"They're looking for me"
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#902
DonnaB

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:D

That's a good one zorba the geek!


(Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
I'm happy -- although
My boss let me go --
Happily addicted to the Web.

All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There's beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web!

Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man!
Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
With a listless shrug, I mutter "No, man;
I just discovered geeks-to-go-dot-com!"

I don't phone, don't send faxes,
Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
I'm happily addicted to the Web!

Happ-ilyyyyy, ad-dict-eeeed to the Weeeeeb!!! (Yeah!)

Posted Image

Edited by DonnaB, 18 December 2010 - 05:58 PM.

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#903
korhinta

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hope everyone had a merry xmas...

Attached Thumbnails

  • funny-christmas-card-santa-gets-a-flat.jpg

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#904
zorba the geek

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One evening a Scotsman was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road eating grass. Disturbed, he yelled at his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked one man "Why are you eating the grass?" "Well, we don't have any money for food" the poor man replied. "So we have to eat grass." "Well then, come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the Scotsman said. "But sir, I also have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Ok, bring them along too" the Scotsman replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also." The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SEVEN children with me!" "Very well then, bring them all" the Scotsman answered. They all piled into the limousine, which was no easy task. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the Scotsman and said, "Sir, you are truly too kind.. Thank you for taking all of us with you.” The Scotsman replied, "No problem, glad to do it. "You'll really love my place "The grass is almost a foot high"
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#905
emikat

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sorry!!! Didn't think....

What can jump higher then a house?
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Anything! houses can't jump

Edited by emikat, 25 February 2011 - 10:16 AM.
Content - not family friendly

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#906
karinchi

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what have four wheels and flies?
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garbage truck!
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#907
Infernity

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There are two atoms-
1st atom says: "I'm missing an electron!"
2nd atom asks: "Are you sure??"
1st atom replies: "I'm positive!.."


:-)
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#908
noknojon

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Who is Tracking Your Movements On The Internet<<= Click Here

Edited by noknojon, 13 March 2011 - 12:50 AM.

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#909
zorba the geek

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A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day
he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances,
and asked him the following questions:

"Have you any grounds"?
"Yes, an acre and half and nice little home".

"No, I meant what is the foundation of this case"?
It's made of concrete

"I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge"?
"No, we have carport, and not need one".

I mean, what are your relations like?
"All my relations still in Poland".

"Is there any infidelity in your marriage"?
"We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player".

"Does your wife beat you up"?
"No, I always up before her".

"Why do you want this divorce"?
"She going to kill me".

"What makes you think that"?
"I got proof".

"What kind of proof"?
"She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in
bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"
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#910
siganes

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that something nice jokes of reality
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#911
Road Runner

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oh yea.........

thats GOOD STUFF
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#912
DonnaB

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An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces further down.

She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing.

He pointed to the other end of the counter where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story?

If you're going to have a senior moment....make it memorable.

Edited by DonnaB, 06 May 2011 - 10:16 PM.

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#913
Road Runner

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Donna.....this is a forum for jokes.......please do not bring your own real life senior moments here.......hahhahahahhahah
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#914
DonnaB

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:unsure:

This silent film from my days of yore is for you...... you young whipper snapper you!

The roadrunner finally caught? - and gets his (bleep) kicked! LOL

EDIT--> Oh by the way, that was an actually story in a news paper that I found. :)

I snoped it too! http://www.snopes.co...ce/grannies.asp

Edited by DonnaB, 09 May 2011 - 07:15 PM.

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#915
DonnaB

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When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.
A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, And it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh...the Sixth...the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate, he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery.

"My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."
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