[zorba the geek]

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*FPVDriF6 thinks they need to upgrade their ISP...

[Troy]

*FPVDriF6 thinks they need to upgrade their ISP...

[zorba the geek]

Kids On The Internet
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "GoofyMickeyMinniePluto" and so I asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they said it had to have at least four characters."

A teacher asked one of her pupils, 'What's the nation's capital?'

The reply was, 'Washington DC'

On being asked what the 'DC' stood for, the pupil added, 'Dot com!'

A little first grader
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, a policeman was interrupted by a little first grader. Looking at his uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"

"Yes," he replied and continued writing his report.

"My mother says if I ever need help, I should ask the police. Is that right?"

"Yes, that's right," he said.

"Well, then," she said, extending her foot, "would you please tie my shoe?"

Mathematics test
Father : Why did you fail your mathematics test?

Son : On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8

Father : So?

Son : On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.

Son : If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

[zorba the geek]

Science Quotes
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The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the 'most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then
stop.

Question: What is one horsepower?
Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.

Talc is found on rocks and on babies.

The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.

When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.

While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating. [this guy is going to do well in college! *haha* ...Lj]

Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.

South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.

Lime is a green-tasting rock.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation.
Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.

Clouds are high flying fogs.

I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around.
There is not much else to do.

Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.

We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe.

Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.

Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.

Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.

The wind is like the air, only pushier.

[dsenette]

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation.
Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

The wind is like the air, only pushier.

my favorites

[Chopin]

When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

What did they find when they broke apart explosions?

[zorba the geek]

[attachment=16336:paint.jpg]

[charlycont]

LMFAO! sp'ecially at the french gentleman.. and the cyanide.

[zorba the geek]

Exams and Papers

Science:

"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."

"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

"To collect fumes of suphur, hold on a deacon over a flame in a test tube."

"When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."

"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state."

"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."

"The largest organ in the human body is the head."

"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, then expectoration."

"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."

"The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects."

"Germinate means to become a naturalized German."

"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off."

"A planet is a body of Earth surrounded by sky."

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

"To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in."

"The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation."

"The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours."

"Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about."

"We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and the study of rocks."

"The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now."

"English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse."

"People shouldn't be allowed to shoot extinct animals."

"Humans are more intelligent than beasts because human branes have more convulsions."

"If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence."

"A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle."


Medicine:

"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."

"For head cold: Use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."

"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."

"For fractures: To see if the limb is broken, giggle it gently back and forth."

"For dust in the eye: Pull the eye down over the nose."

"Blood flows down one leg and back the other."

"When you haven't enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier."

"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."

"Many women believe that an alcoholic beverage will have no ill effects on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception."

"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cupids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."


History:
"The Magna Carta provided that no free men should be hanged twice for the same offense."

"Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head."

"Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes."

"The system involving barons and lords was called the futile system."

"Milton wrote 'Paradise Lost.' Then his wife dies, and he wrote 'Paradise Regained.'"

"Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe."

"The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died, and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this."

"Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead."

"Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms."

"Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel."

"Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English."

"Bach died from 1750 to the present."

"Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He expired in 1827 and later died for this."

"[Napoleon] wanted an heir to inheret his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear him any children."

"The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West."

"Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years."

"Queen Victoria's reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality."

"Queen Victoria's death was the final event which ended her reign."

"Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis."

"Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Spices."

"It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance."

"Without Greeks, we wouldn't have history."

"One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intollerable."

"Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey."

"Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of the same name."

"In the Olympics Games, Greeks ran races jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java."

"The government of Athen was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands."

"When they fought the Parisians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men."

"Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks."

"The Whiskey Rebellion was when some people got smashed and went and rebelled."

[zorba the geek]

Love and Marriage:

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." -- Glenn, age 7

"Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." -- John, age 9

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." -- Manuel, age 8

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." -- Mae, age 9

"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too." -- Greg, age 8

"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." -- Tom, age 5

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -- Mike, 10

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when Dinosaurs is on television." -- Jill, age 6

"One of the people has freckles, and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too." -- Andrew, age 6

"My mother says to look for a man who is kind. That's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -- Carolyn, age 8

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -- Kenny, age 7

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." -- Ava, age 8

"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced.'" -- Anita, 9

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." -- Regina, age 10

"Most men are brainless, so you might have to try more than once to find a live one." -- Angie, age 10

"A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together." -- Marlon, age 10

"[Being] single is better . . . for the simple reason that I wouldn't want to change no diapers. Of course, if I did get married, I'd figure something out. I'd just phone my mother and have her come over for some coffee and diaper-changing." -- Kirsten, age 10

"Love is foolish...but I still might try it sometime." -- Floyd, age 9

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." -- Dave, age 8


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Kissing:

"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down, and they don't get up for at least an hour." -- Wendy, age 8

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -- Jim, age 10

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -- Kally, age 9

"You learn [how to kiss] right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you." -- Doug, age 7

"If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new person, you have to ask permission." -- Roger, age 6

"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing it." -- Tammy, age 10

"I know one reason kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." -- Gina, age 8

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." -- Curt, age 7

"The rules goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry her and have kids with her. It's the right thing to do." -- Howard, age 8

(on seeing a couple kissing) "He is trying to steal her chewing gum!" -- Boy, age 6


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Beauty:

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." -- Anita, age 8

"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." -- Christine, age 9

"It isn't always how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything, and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." -- Brian, age 7


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How People In Love Act:

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food." -- Brad, age 8

"They act mooshy. Like puppy dogs, except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much." -- Arnold, age 10

"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark." -- Sherm, age 8

"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up." -- Sarah, age 9

"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are -- on fire." -- Christine, age 9

"See if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." -- John, age 9

"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -- Craig, age 9


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What Mom and Dad Have In Common:

"Both don't want no more kids." -- Lori, age 8


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How To Tell If Two People Are Married:

"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people." -- Eddie, age 6

"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." -- Derrick, age 8