[SUPERIOR]

http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

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* Customer: "Hello, I have a problem. My name is Bob Murton."
* Tech Support: "I'm sorry, but I can't help you with that problem."

Classic! Great website

[Tal]

* Customer: "Hello, I have a problem. My name is Bob Murton."
* Tech Support: "I'm sorry, but I can't help you with that problem."

Classic! Great website

[frantique]

He, he, he ... there are some really good ones in there - thank you Superior

Loved this:

Customer: "I got DSL, but it's not working."
Tech Support: "What kind of modem do you have?"
Customer: "Ummm, I dont know. It's built into my laptop."
Tech Support: "Ok, did you receive the modem package we sent out?"
Customer: "Modem package??"
Tech Support: "Well, it looks like the modem was shipped to (address), Pennsylvania."
Customer: "I don't live in Pennsylvania. I live in New York."
Tech Support: "Huh. Do you know this Pennsylvania address?"
Customer: "Yes, that's my Mom's house."
Tech Support: "Ok, this DSL phone number you gave me -- is that your mother's number?"
Customer: "Yes, they told me in order for me to have DSL, I need to have your company's phone service. My mother has it, so I gave them her telephone number."

[Chopin]

Just read a few out of the "Customer [bleep]" ones - too funny!

[dsenette]

I do network administration and end user support. A particular clerical person was always having problems running Windows for Workgroups. The hard drive finally crashed, and when we got it back I convinced the boss to load her machine with DOS only. I created a batch file menu, tested it, and then compiled it into an exe file. When the person was at lunch I installed it on her machine.

When she came back from lunch she called and said her computer didn't work. I asked her to read the screen to me. She said "Bad Command or File Name." So I went over to her desk.

We started her machine and the file menu screen came up. It read:

1. Main Frame
2. Word Processing

Press the number of your choice and hit [enter].

It looked right, so I told her to press either 1 or 2 depending on whether she wanted to go to the main frame or the word processing package. She pressed 4. And, of course, we got the error. When I asked her why she pressed 4, she said, "It says press the number of my choice! I choose 4!"

heheh

i used to look at that site almost daily....i had lost the link...thanks!

[Chopin]

While working in tech support, a user called me with a problem with their PC. I would ask her to look at something, and she'd set the phone down and walk across the room and then come back. Realizing it would take forever to troubleshoot the problem that way, I told her it would be easier if she could be on the phone and doing the commands at the same time. I asked if there was a phone closer to the machine. She said that there was, and I asked her to transfer me to that extension.

She did. The phone rang and rang and rang, and there was no answer. I called her back and told her. She said, "Oh...you wanted me to answer it?"

I think she thought I could fix her problem through a ringing telephone.

<snip>

* Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or file name'."
* Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive -- go to A:\ and type 'dir'."

Customer reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.

* Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL' again."
* Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."
* Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place -- it can't help but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?"
* Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad command or file name'."
* Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"
* Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M' key...does that matter?"

edit - this one is my FAVORITE:

* Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."
* Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"
* Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."
* Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?"
* Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That didn't work either."
* Tech Support: "You did what sir?"
* Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."
* Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"
* Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a disk that was broke and defective."
* Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A: drive and used pliers to pull the disk out?"

At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the other techs to listen in.

* Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?"
* Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk out, then I had to use pliers to pull it out."
* Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject button?"

Silence.

* Tech Support: "Sir?"
* Customer: "Yes."
* Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"
* Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going to sue you for breaking my computer?"
* Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"
* Customer: "Ummmm."
* Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record every call and have it on tape?"
* Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"
* Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day."

Edited by Fredil Yupigo, 05 February 2008 - 05:28 PM.

[Tal]

I really liked the last one too, that section is quite funny...