[Major Payne]

14. Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

[Advertisements]

15. A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

[Major Payne]

15. A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

[Major Payne]

16. Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

[Major Payne]

Reasons to Smile:

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Ron

[Major Payne]

2. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.

So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

[Major Payne]

3. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

Ron

[Major Payne]

4. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"

Ron

[Major Payne]

5. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

Ron

[Major Payne]

6. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Ron

[Major Payne]

7. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Ron

[Major Payne]

8. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!


Ron

[Major Payne]

9. Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

Ron

[Major Payne]

10. And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Ron

[Major Payne]

THE YEAR 1907 (What a difference 100 years make):

1. The average life expectancy in the U.S. Was 47 years old.


Ron

[Major Payne]

2. Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. Had a bathtub.


Ron