[zorba the geek]

One day theres a couple of kids in a phycology class. The teacher stands up and says to the class “stand up if u think you’re stupid!” after about 5 minutes Little Johnny stood up and the teacher says “do you think you’re stupid Johnny?”

To which Little Johnny replies “No miss i just hate to see you standing there all by yourself!!!”

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snap!

[Chopin]

snap!

[zorba the geek]

Barbie doll
A man was driving home from work one evening whenhe suddenly realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't yet bought her a gift. So, the man rushed off to the nearest toy store and asked the sales clerk, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"

The sales clerk replied in a condescending tone, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."

The overwhelmed man asked, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 and all the others are only $19.95?"

"That's obvious!" said the sales clerk. "Divorce Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, and Ken's furniture

[zorba the geek]

Microsoft's finest technicans
One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"

[frantique]

Tough Cowboy
A tough old cowboy from Norris, Montana, counseled his grandson that if
he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun
powder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously to
the age of 103. When he died he left 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great
grandchildren, 25 great-great grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole where the
crematorium used to be.

[zorba the geek]

Well done frantique,your jokes are few&far apart but when they hit you blow the rest of us clear of the stage!!!!!! Btw:had to clean my screen!'was drinking coke when reading the joke,no further explanation necessary!Now i have to find a joke to top that one,if i can!?

Edited by zorba the geek, 29 October 2007 - 01:13 PM.

[zorba the geek]

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

[Chopin]

That was the worst joke ever.... did anyone see the "Lolcats" post? That website is GREAT!

"R U MY FEETZ"

[zorba the geek]

That was the worst joke ever.... did anyone see the "Lolcats" post? That website is GREAT!

"R U MY FEETZ"

Reply with a better one

[Chopin]

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,
which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in
plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of
"k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less
letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the
silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
"z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil
sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil
find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum
tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze
forst plas.

==========

2 men were hiking in a forest, when all of a sudden a bear came out and started to chase them. One guy stopped, took off his hiking boots and put on a pair of running shoes.
The other guy looked at him horrified and said, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun that bear!"
The first guy then smiled and looked back and told him,"Oh no, I know that. I don't need to outrun the bear, I just need to outrun you."
The second guy was outraged.

Well, they weren't very good friends to begin with.

==========

Edit: To remove this joke which is not family friendly

Edited by frantique, 31 October 2007 - 07:44 PM.

[Chopin]

Whoops

[frantique]

Bono is at a U2 concert in Ireland when he asks the audience for some quiet.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone ....
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
He keeps slowly clapping and the silence pervades.
Suddenly a voice from near the front of the audience pierces the silence ...
"Blimey stop clappin then!"

[Chopin]

[zorba the geek]

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the Canadian auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.
This was done in an effort to determine, when accidents occurred, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 9 of the 10 provinces the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, "Oh, shivid!
Only Newfoundland was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were...
"Hold my beer and watch this!"

[Tal]

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the Canadian auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.
This was done in an effort to determine, when accidents occurred, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 9 of the 10 provinces the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, "Oh, shivid!
Only Newfoundland was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were...
"Hold my beer and watch this!"