[zorba the geek]

Thank's!
Just take a educated guess who the "cool Dude" might be

[Advertisements]

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

[frantique]

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

[zorba the geek]

Gotta Hate that Fairy



There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.

The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!"

He says, Great! I am the manager for the Minneasota Twins.

The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets!

He says, "That's cool I work for 3M."

The third father opens the window and jumps out.

The third nurse comes out, and asks, Where's the third father?"

One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window

The nurse asks, "Why?"

He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"

Edited by zorba the geek, 23 February 2008 - 01:46 PM.

[Chopin]

Dale, returning from college, greets his younger brother David, who is in grade school. That night, Dale says to David, "Would you like to hear a narrative?" David replies, "What's a narrative?"
"It's a tale."
When Dale is done reading the story, he says, "Do you want me to extinguish your light?"
"What's extinguish mean?"
"To put out."
"Sure." Dale "extinguishes" the light.

The next day, the dog is acting up. Finally, David can't stand it anymore and says, "Dale, can you take the dog by the narrative and extinguish him?"

[zorba the geek]

HeHeHe,got that one Fredil keep them coming!




A State Trooper pulled a car over on I-55 for speeding. The car was clocked for going 95mph.

When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler, and he was on his way to do a show that night for a birthday party and didn't want to be late.

The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little
juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.

The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car, and asked if he could juggle them.

The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car.

A drunk got out, and watched the performance briefly, he then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.

The Trooper observed him doing this, and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked
the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "You might as well haul my butt to jail, cause there's no way I can
pass that test."

[Troy]

One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her
parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket,
motorcycle boots, tattoos and more piercings than they wanted to count.

Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their
concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice."

"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would
he be doing 500 hours of community service?"

[zorba the geek]

[quote name='troy' date='Feb 25 2008, 01:27 PM' post='1173961']

"Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would
he be doing 500 hours of community service?"[/quote



Oh yea,she got herself a real nice Boyscout there!

Bravo troy,great one


FOR SALE: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent
condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything.

Edited by zorba the geek, 25 February 2008 - 01:27 PM.

[zorba the geek]

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "Please DO
NOT try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.

"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained.
"She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets,
often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Honey, why don't
you try carrying several things at once?'"

"Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked.

"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make
breakfast. Now I do it in seven."

Edited by zorba the geek, 03 March 2008 - 12:55 PM.

[zorba the geek]

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back,
the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.

"Oh mamma!" she exclaimed. "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!" No
sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. "But mamma . . . as
soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been
saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've
got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"

"Now Sarah . . ." her mother answered. "Calm down! Tell me, what could be so
awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mamma.” wept the daughter. "I'm so
embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me
home... please mamma!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset . . . Tell your mother
these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mamma . . . words like dust, wash,
iron, and cook!"

[frantique]

I concur with Sarah ... go back to Mum's!

[zorba the geek]

There are 3 hunters in the woods, they're all telling each other what they’re
going to shoot. The first one says he's going to get a buck. So he goes out and
comes back with a buck. Then the other 2 hunters ask how he did it and he says,
''I see tracks I follow tracks I get buck''. So the second hunter says "I'm
going to get a doe." So he goes out and comes back with a doe. Then the 3rd
hunter asks him how he did it. The 2nd hunter says, ''I see tracks I follow
tracks I get doe''. So the 3rd hunter says, ''I'm just going to shoot at
anything I see''. So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten
bruised bloody and totally trashed. And the other two hunters ask what happened
and he says, ''I see tracks I follow tracks, I get hit by train!''



*Zorba concurs with frantique

[Troy]

''I see tracks I follow tracks, I get hit by train!''

Hi Zorba,

I guess the third hunter forgot to shoot first!

Great one

Cheers

Troy

[zorba the geek]

''I see tracks I follow tracks, I get hit by train!''

Hi Zorba,

I guess the third hunter forgot to shoot first!

Great one

Cheers

Troy

Hi troy! He did shoot first,right between those big yellow eyes.............


Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the
windshields of airplanes, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at
maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions
with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun
was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood
shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof
shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped
the pilot's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin,
like a bolt shot from a crossbow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous
results of the experiment, along with the designs for the windshield, and begged
the U.S. scientists for suggestions.

... NASA responded with a one-line memo: “Thaw the chicken.”

[frantique]

[Chopin]

That was great!