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Joke of the Day


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#976
zorba the geek

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BLONDES AND SNOW

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Sharon, and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Sharon, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Sharon, and you are losing some of your load!!"

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in New Hampshire, and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"
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#977
DonnaB

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Kentucky Farm Kid in Marines (Now at San Diego Marine Corps Recruit Training)

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are.

Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.
But, I am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.. Practically nothing!!
Men got to shave; but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food.
But tell Walt and Elmer, you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee.
Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon, when you get fed again.

It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on 'route marches', which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us.
If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different.
A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home.
Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back to camp in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot.
The Captain is like the school board. Does nothing.
Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.
I keep getting medals for shooting.
I don't know why.
The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like them Higgett boys at home.
All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit the bulls-eye. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then, we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys.
I have to be real careful though, they break real easy.
It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home.
I'm about the best they got in this, except for that Tug Jordan , from over in Silver Lake .
I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice
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#978
godawgs

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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I don't know where you keep finding these but I know I have to sit on the floor before I read one...cause that's where I'm gonna end up.
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#979
Troy

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BLONDES AND SNOW

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Sharon, and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Sharon, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Sharon, and you are losing some of your load!!"

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says...

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in New Hampshire, and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

Someone explain this to me?
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#980
zorba the geek

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Hi Troy
A Salt truck is used to free iced or snowcovered roads in winter.It just sprays salt while driving."Loosing some of the load"
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#981
Troy

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So it's to get rid of the snow? Ah, here in sunny QUEENSLAND we don't worry about problems like that. Thanks for the explanation.
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#982
DonnaB

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So it's to get rid of the snow? Ah, here in sunny QUEENSLAND we don't worry about problems like that. Thanks for the explanation.


I always wondered what it would be like to experience seasons that are, how should I say "opposite?, flipped upside down?, backwards?" I mean here in the northern hemisphere June, July, and August are summer. In Australia those months are you winter months aren't they!?!?! Wild! And no snow? Wow! :whistling:

My joke for the day:

Three leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink.
The president of Budweiser orders a Bud.
Miller's president orders a Millers
and the president of Coors orders a Coors.
When it is Guinness turn to order he orders a soda.
Why didn't you order a Guinness everyone asks?
Nah Guinness replies.

If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I.
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#983
DonnaB

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Understanding Engineers #1
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him."

He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!."

The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Edited by DonnaB, 15 November 2012 - 05:16 PM.

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#984
DonnaB

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Understanding Engineers #2:

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
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#985
Damage1

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Did you know that today [12th Dec 2012} is national microphone Day? 121212 :thumbsup:
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#986
Alzeimer

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Here are some bumper sticker options for you all

-I have PMS and a handgun. ANY QUESTIONS?

-We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

-FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software.

-If your cute,single,and rich, HONK!

-Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an IDIOT!

-My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Student!

-My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.

-If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

-If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.
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#987
DonnaB

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A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance."
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#988
Klaabu

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A rooster was strutting around the henhouse one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow. The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.

:lol:
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#989
DonnaB

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A woman was waiting in the checkout line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies.

By her hard glances and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in hurry and not a happy camper about the slowness of the line.

When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly,"Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"

"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With a good tail wind and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time."
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#990
DonnaB

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In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.

Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the second time, she attempted the step, and once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan, who was standing behind her, picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'

The Texan smiled and in his southern drawl said, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
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